My current transition challenge is making everything line up. I would like for all of the disparate parts of my transition: the HRT changes, voice training, hair, and the legal aspects to all be ready when I come out. It’s like I am hosting a dinner and want all the dishes and courses to be finished at the same time as the guests show up. Except, I have no idea when the metaphorical guests will actually show up. To make these aspects of my transition line up, it is a matter of delaying some aspects while prioritizing others.
The aforementioned dinner guests. In the past month, I have seen more changes to my body than I have in quite a while. This is fantastic and I am incredibly excited about it, but it does require consideration. When I come out is determined by when I can no longer conceal these changes. My current plan is to come out around the end of 2021 or when I can’t hide the changes anymore, whichever comes first. This is the factor in my transition that I can’t control, it sets the rate for everything else. I want everything else ready to go when the HRT changes make it necessary to come out.
In the grand scheme of things, my hair is a relatively unimportant factor. However, it has been the center of my dysphoria for my entire life and plays an oversized role in making me anxious. I have a target length that I would like to have when I come out as trans, and I am about 4-6 months away from it (assuming .5 inch of hair growth a month). This target length (a little longer than shoulder length) should be long enough to help me get gendered correctly while still providing some leeway for getting it styled. My current hairstyle and cut are fairly masculine, and I will likely lose a decent amount of length having it layered and restyled in a more feminine manner. I have no control over the rate of hair growth, so this is mostly a non-factor.
Voice training has been pretty rough. I am not making much progress with my personal training and I am finding it quite frustrating. The whole point of the voice training is to isolate the muscular changes that contribute to a more feminine voice, however, I have been unable to do so. I can’t seem to sense the muscle changes during the exercises or replicate them. My voice won’t be ready when I want it to be at my current rate of progress. In light of this, I am looking into seeing a speech pathologist to help with my voice training. There are none in my area, but I am hoping that I can get a virtual session somewhere.
I have only recently started looking into this and am a little surprised about how easy my state makes it to change my name and gender marker. My state and region are fairly conservative, so I was concerned that it would be difficult or impossible. However, the process is fairly simple. I already have everything I need to change most of my legal documentation, so I am pretty much set on the legal aspects. Once I am ready to finalize the legal changes, it should only take a few weeks to get it done.
While there is a lot to juggle, voice training is the only thing that I have any legitimate control over. The HRT changes are out of my control (although I can affect their visibility), hair growth is simply a matter of time, and the legal aspects are ready to go. I just need to get the voice down. The sooner I can do that, the sooner that I think everything will fall in line.