I don’t know what to do with my hair and it is driving me insane. This shouldn’t be a big deal, it’s just hair after all. But it is a big deal. It bothers me quite a bit and causes no end of stress. I just don’t know what to do with it.
Hair has always been one of the primary focuses of my gender dysphoria. It is the only physical characteristic that has always bothered me. Other attributes will bother me off and on, but the hair is constant source of dysphoria. The bigger issue with my hair is that I can’t hide it. Anything else that triggers dysphoria can be covered or concealed, but not my hair. No matter how much it distresses me, I can’t hide it.
My current issue is not knowing what to do with my hair. I want to grow it out as part of my transition and have been doing so for about a year now. It is now at what I would call a “medium” length, but still long enough to cause problems. I am still presenting as a man in my day-to-day life and unfortunately, hair is one of those things that are needlessly gendered. While more accepted than it was in the past, long hair on men is still seen as unusual, especially in the southern United States. I already get some comments about my hair’s length and it isn’t even that long. The bigger issue for me is work. I am expected to keep my hair “professional”, which is a nice way of saying short and well-managed. I have very wavy hair, something which has only become evident as I have grown it out. As a result of this natural texture and length, I do not meet my workplace guidelines on “professional” hair.
I am in quite a bind. I want to continue growing my hair out so that it is at the length I want it to be when I come out. But doing so is causing issues both at work and in general society. I am also faced with my own dysphoria. Because I am still trying to present myself as a man, I get my hair cut and style it in a very masculine way. But doing so makes me dysphoric and tanks my mood. There are days where I struggle to leave my home because of how much my hair distresses me. I know that in the grand scheme of things this is minor and that it shouldn’t cause so much anguish. But you can’t reason with dysphoria.